Hi sweet boy! I got your pictures (letter) so I'm going to just spend most of my letter addressing this. Plus, I've been sick since Thursday so nothing has gone on here! I'm bored out of my mind but don't feel well enough to do anything. I'm hoping tomorrow is better:)
My love. You are on my mind constantly. I'm so very sad that you are going through this with Sally right now. I'm also incredibly sad that it has become a distraction for you. Understandably. I wish so much I could just wrap my arms around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Because it really is.
First of all, I think Sally has been honest with you in telling you that she is focusing on her own growth and being selfish about that at this time in her life. So if she writes or if she doesn't write, know that that is the reason. And because she is so focused on herself, I think you also need to focus on yourself and growth and be protective of that as well. When I read your letter, it seemed really clear to me that the thing that is the most hurtful for you right now is the weekly hope that she will write and then the rollercoaster or disappointment when she doesn't. That hope you have right now is causing a lot of distress. So I think it is a very wise decision to have her not write and you don't write her. However, I wouldn't label it an official break or put any time table on it. Technically she already is taking a break by not writing regularly anyway. Just give yourself some space and breathing room to feel strong and happy.
I would say something like this to Sally: I never really imagined 5 months into my mission I would be saying this Sally. I care so much for you and I hoped that we could remain at least great friends through these two years. I have thought about this a lot and I realize that when you were writing me regularly, I had no problem focusing on my mission and working hard. But I have found that ever since your letters have become infrequent, I have struggled more. It is the hope that I have each monday that I'll have a letter from you and then the disappointment when there isn't one. Or isn't much of one. The not knowing has made it more difficult for me to focus on the work that I"m here to do. I really love being a missionary and I don't want to have any regrets about my work and my effort here in Brazil. So I'm suggesting that we don't write each other for a little while. That will give you some time to feel more independent and it will give me some time to focus on why I'm here. Maybe if you feel like sharing some of your Jerusalem experience with me you could let me know how it is going when you're there. I'd love to hear about it.
What do you think about that? I think it is strong but kind. And honest. You said her family will think badly of you but I don't think they will think that at all if you write something like that. But sweetie, I'm not really concerned about anyone else in this scenario right now but YOU! And you need to care only about YOU right now too. It doesn't put any time frame on it but by suggesting Jerusalem, that at least gives you a few months so you can get strong and put this pain behind you. I think its time for you to get a little mad at her. I don't want you to wallow in anger but its okay to be mad about the way she handles things and to recognize that you would have never done this to her. I think getting mad at her is part of getting over her. You need to get over her and let Heavenly Father open some new and amazing doors for you.
Something else I would ask you to do. Try to stop planning how this will end. TRUST HEAVENLY FATHER. Don't think about when you will write her and ask her to come to your homecoming. etc. First of all, there is nothing more awkward than having a girl at the airport when you can't even hug her. I really don't want her there making it uncomfortable. So I would not even want her here until you've been home a few days anyway. After you have been released, etc. That is all I'm going to say about that now, because that is a long way away and I want to focus on all the great experiences you are going to have in these next 18 months. Don't wish them away. You will regret that in the end if you do that. Take this advice (write it down somewhere where you can see it each day) from Elder Holland:
"Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come.”
Now... Tell me a miracle you saw this week. Do you know anything about transfers yet? Did you ask your District or Zone leaders to clarify the drinking/bathroom use after 6pm? LOL!
I thought I'd give you some of my favorite Office quotes just to make you extra happy today:
Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica!
Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party was so lame!
If I had a gun with two bullets in it and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden and Toby, I'd shoot Toby twice!
HAHAHA
Let me finish with a quote that I read this week that I think is good for you to think about right now. "I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father. They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will." _Elder Richard G. Scott.
I wanna hear all the stuff! Tell me about your week. I love you fiercely Elder G!
xoxox
momma--
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